People say retail therapy is one of the best known cure for all heartbreaks. Well, I am not too sure of its reliability, but for sure, I am a victim of what I will call unconscious-self-enforced therapy. On the last count, I busted $800 on an air ticket to Sydney, $2000 on a new digital camera, $190 on a suit, $200 on photography class; a near $1000 that I will bring for my Sydney trip and not to mention the many many spur-of-moments that I have had the last two months. I literally have to lock my cards at home and restrict myself to bare essentials before this becomes a spending disaster.

But what’s with this shopping  theory? Is it because, we buy something to distract us from the real problems? Or just to show that we are still in control of “some” parts of our lives, that it is not totally ruined – yet. Do we honestly believe that we are in 100% need of the item bought? Or are they just a form of indirect satisfaction; no matter how temporary.  

Through my entire adult life, I have yet to spend so much money in so short a time. I see that as quite some guts or should I say, whatever the real reason, it truly meant quite something to me. Does it still matter? Perhaps only time can tell and heal, both my wallet and myself.

Sometimes, once in a while when my wallet is running low and dry, I would go into some kind of self-questioning of whether I should have invested such a hefty sum of money to go to Australia for a year, pursuing a Master degree.

I guess I have many alternative uses to that hefty - $30,000. For example, I could have opened a café, purchased a second hand car, tour the world, or simply just leave it in the bank. At least seeing a 5 figure in my pathetic bank account can bring on some false sense of security and most importantly a smile on my face. This is as opposed to coming back to a blank account, and having to start all over again, financially.

Fortunately or unfortunately, I do not belong to the privileged top 1 percent of the economy where such a sum is considered negligible to them. I paid for every single cent of my trip and though it was nothing to boast about, it is still quite an achievement, at least where my courage is concerned.

Nothing near to implying that my one year stay was futile, I can’t help but feel inferior when standing alongside my peers who are already "somewhere out there making their mark". I am just starting to put on my new pair of shoes, less about finding the right track to walk on.

I had my fair share of fun while my peers slogged their lives away in Singapore. I was water rafting as they rough it out in the corporate world. However, I had my share of stress and hard work, slogging from evening till dawn on my assignments and projects, seeing how the stars in the sky transformed into shades of sunrise. There was also my part time job at the hair salon, earning me a proud $150 per week. That was good enough money for rent and grocery. I was a poor, but very happy student.

Then again, it does not immune me from calculating the opportunity costs, not especially when my first degree was in Economics. That was Economics 101, opportunity cost, is it not? Maybe deep down, I wish I could have the experience as well as the money. That is Wishful Thinking 101.

At the end of the day, I guess there is no regrets. Thanks to the one year, or rather the $30,000, I managed to clear my thoughts on what I want to be, can be and cannot be. Most important of all, it allowed me to pluck up my courage to leave my old job. which is becoming like a very unsettling comfort zone!

$30,000 for a realisation and courage? I think I got quite a deal, to me these are priceless!